Head Lettuce, letters to the Head Shop

Dear Herd Shot,
 I don't know if I've
read your comic or
not.
—Honeynym
W. Virg.

Dear Hon,
 Check your files.
—Headset

Sir or modem,
 I wish to protest
the cartoon in this
issue maligning
hard-working
psychotherapeutic
professionals.
Gratuitous and
egregious! Please
cancel my subscription
to your publication.
 And I have an
icemaker. So there!
—Irate Citizen
Cotton corner

Irate, and you rate.
At any rate, too late.
I've sychotherapated.
—H.Lettuce

Little mindless folk:
 The subject matter
of your publication is
pornographic and
degrading. Encouraging
radical mentalities
instead of a
well-ordered citizenry.
 My copy also had
some mysterious
gummy substance on
the cover. I suggest
you have a lot to
answer for. Soon!
 What's with this ice
bucket stuff. Are you
really that A.R.?
—Laura L. Hardy
Virgin Islands

Thanks for writing us,
Laura. It's not our
fault what the post
office personnel do to
our precious
publications. And as
for the rest of our
readership, we believe
that personal
responsibility is the
watchword of
civilization. It is not
the ideas we relate
which cause the
errant behaviors, but
the decisions of those
who themselves err.
—Civiltongue.

French fried duck?
—Loubert PC
Brit. Columbo

Not tonight, Loubert.
I'm on a no-duck diet.
Thanks anyway.
—Heed

You no-good cheats.
 I knew darned well
that all those letters
are made up and I'm
going to protest the
way you portrayed
letter-writers. This is
just a ploy to get out
of actually doing any
artwork for one page.
You're not fooling
anybody.
—Agrrveted
Penalty, Neb.

Dear Agrr,
 Wow, what a neat
name your hometown
is. Someday I'd like to
visit Penalty. Tell me
whereabouts do you
live there, and what do
you do for
entertainment?
—Emailhead
Compuniverse