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Radical Incline

Dueling monologues between the male chauvanist pig and the women's libber.


We're gonna take away abortion,
  Woman has to learn her proper role.
We're gonna outlaw the diaphram, take away your pill,
  and put the man back in control

We're gonna put ya back up on your pedestal
  And not care about what you think
Gonna take away your job so you'll stay at home
  Knocked up and at the kitchen sink

We're going back, back, to the good old days,
  of the bustle and the petticoat
We're going back to the ways that God intended
  Gonna take away your right to vote!
Oink! Oink! Gonna take away your right to vote!

You can never take away abortion, 
  You can only make one hard to get.
I'll never give up my self-control
  And you haven't found yours yet.

I'll never go back the way it was
  Because slavery is dead.
And you better wise up or you're liable to find
  You're in a big cold lonely bed.

We're going forward ho! to the better ways,
  And we've only just begun to grow.
God gave me a mind and the will to find 
  what's right and She ought to know.
That's right! I said I think She ought to know.

Short & Tall Tales

The first meal of the day ought to be your best. But isn't always.

I just had a waffle,

and I'm really feelin' awful!

Think that waffle had an awful
   lotta mold.
My pat of butter wouldn't melt.

I think I know just how it felt.

That moldy awful waffle really
   felt cold.
My maple syrup I insist, 'll
tell you musta turned to crystal,
'cause the jug I lug around
   won't even pour.
And now this crummy fork of mine
has broken for the final tine
and I can't use it for the what the
   fork it's for.
My chin was wet with spittle
when I spied the peanut brittle
with a taste I mighta died for
   in my youth.
But when I gave a chunk a try
it turned out mighty hard and dry
and now I got that crummy stuff
   stuck in my tooth.
I had to melt away the toffee
so I poured a cup of coffee.
It did the job. I also
   burnt my tongue.
You wonder why I screamed and flailed?
It made me yell, and I inhaled.
There's moldy toffee coffee waffles
   in my lung!


A quintet of ditties with accompanying midis

School Bus

There's a school bus

Ahead of us

We'd better honk at them



Bees in the Trees

           Bees in the trees

                  Fmaj7  G
           And my pet is wet

           Froggy is as groggy

           As a froggy can get

[Parents sing:]          [Children sing:]

G     Am G               G     Am  G
I see Ba-by              I see Dad-dy [or Mom-my]

F6   D         G         F6    D         G
Baby can't see me!       Daddy can't see me!

I Bought Me a Horse

I bought me a horse

The horse pleased me

Fed my horse under yonder tree

Horse goes neigh, neigh

Sheep goes bleigh, bleigh

Pig goes griffy graffy

Goose goes lissie lassie

Duck goes quack quack

Hen goes simmy sac simmy sac

Guinea goes paw track paw track

Cat goes fay-lo-fay-lo-fee

Swing Set


Swing set

C      Am  C

Swings get wet

Bb                        C

When it's been raining outside


But not

C    Am   C

When it's hot

Bb                      C

Then all the swings are dried



Whether or not it's rained

Your questions will

Be answered and

Everything explained

Doodley Doo

F       Dm-F

Doo-dle-y doo




Fid-dle dee dee

    Db  C


    Db  C




Short & Tall Tales

Pondering power and restraint

Well, it's two per cent vim

and ten per cent vigor
when you gotta go up against
somebody bigger'n' you

but you do it when you gotta
if you got no choice.

Half the time you'll find that

as a matter of fact
it's not how big you really are

but how big you act;
        B                                    Gb
you can beat 'em with both hands behind your back
if you can use your voice.

  Keep in mind what Will or was it Roy Rogers might've said
  Doncha argue with a fellah with a foolish head
             Abm                    F
  'Cause the onlooker can't rightly tell
     Which of you is the fool
Mindful Webworks | Short and Tall Tales | 2 Percent Vim, page 2
Well now I'm goin' on record

as a pacifist
but I'm a hot-tempered guy

and it's hard to resist
throwin' punches when a fellah
is punchin' my eyeballs in.

I realize there's times

when y'gotta fight
but let's make it not here

not with me not tonight;
it's not fightin' that I mind
it's just a stupid waste of time
is a sin.
2% VIM label
One never knows where one will find inspiration. The title for this song came, in Chicago on 1987 Oct 6, from a milk bottle. 2% VIM label by Dean Foods Co., Franklin Park, Ill. 60131

Performed in Mindful Webworkshop #5

Love's Lost and Found

Another song about how depressing love can be

Cm                       D
She picks you out from   all the men
D             Gm
Suddenly in   love again
Gm                      A
You  can't believe it   feels so  true..
A                   Dm
All the same it's   not for you
Dm                      E
You give your all and   then she leaves
   E                          Am
|: Love is just the   Game of Thieves :|
Am                   B
You wonder why you   feel this way
B             Em
Finally you   hear her say she
Em                              Gb
Loves you, too; the   game's be-gun
Gb            Bm
In the end,   nobody's won
Bm                      Db
You give your all and   then she  leaves...
   Db                         Gbm
|: Love is just the   Game of Thieves :||
Mindful Webworks / Loves Lost & Found / Game of Thieves, page 2 of 2
Gbm -- Ab   /   Ab  -- Dbm

Dbm -- Eb   /   Eb  -- Abm

Abm -- Bb   /   |: Bb  -- Ebm :|
Ebm                    F
Your broken heart is   just one  more in
F             Bbm
Millions ..   What is love for?
Bbm                       C
Let down your walls and   Let love come
C                 Fm
Fool you are   profoundly dumb
Fm                      G
You give your all and   then she  leaves
   G                          Cm
|: Love is just the   Game of Thieves :|