A pair of professionals swapping trade secrets:

Click for larger image.
Source: Barack Obama twit account (literally)

"The Commandeerer in Chief"
comments on various Ace of Spades posts.

Thank you Amy Cloggendrain for your uh uh support of the er [turn head left] corpse of my amdistributin. Let me say that um um [turn head right] ih ih it's an onher to know that you who is representing the uhh vast mejority are are are under me, and behind me, and under er um my behind, [pause] and uh uh trying to reach out and teach out and shout out [turn head left] to to to this uh this uh tiny little insignificant clique of disbelievers in the magnificence of our ocean-raising solar-powered mass-transit equality utopia Caliphate. Uh. Thank you. And I bless me and hereby automatically fore-coronate myself as United World Emperor for Life.

Arrr er er um rrrrr, mates. Maties. I am your, uh, your, ah, I am the Captain's Chair. Stand down your broadsuwords, er, broadsorts, and surrender to the inenviable. Yer wannabe Captain Romney hasn't er um got the swag to er swig um blarney. Joe help me out here.

Here's the 120-Proof Postive, arrr, um, arrr, of my invertebrate victory: http://youtu.be/W959_kYZ7X0

You peppil so silly. My pipple don't care about any eh eh ehn encomony cept whatev's on they EBT. You are out numb numb numb numbered. My pipple got the voting boxes already stuft. With all the gun-totin bible-klingers in FEMA camps and our pipple taking out alla dang oathkippers, lection day gon be jus fer show. Mitt Romney's never gon be Preznit. Evbody knows that. http://youtu.be/W959_kYZ7X0

You peppil so silly. My pipple don't care about any eh eh ehn encomony cept whatev's on they EBT. You are out numb numb numb numbered. My pipple got the voting boxes already stuft. With all the gun-totin bible-klingers in FEMA camps and our pipple taking out alla dang oathkippers, lection day gon be jus fer show. Mitt Romney's never gon be Preznit. Evbody knows that. http://youtu.be/W959_kYZ7X0

My media. My dear, sweet media. Come to me. Smooch me baby. Do that thing you do. Oh, yeah. It's so good. No, don't talk to me. Just keep doing that.

You all are so meeean. Leave my sweet Jimmy-boy aloooone.

Hahhahaaa. You guys got nothin'. You can't catch me. You can't catch Eric. We are covered with Impervium Democratium. And you ain't seen nothin' yet. More bullets for the troops. Our troops, that is. Our precious, precious revolutionary troops, ready to launch into action on November 5th. Troop Stormers of America!

Wait, did I, did I just say that out loud? Oh, well, the media will cover for me.

Har har har! Is this thing on? WHO CARES? I stand there at the d..d.. Dee Enn See and I say I'm Karl Marx's grandson, and I'll sell Alaska back to Russia for a nickle, and I hate Jews and Poles and honkey grandmothers, and I'm totally polymorphosly perverse. Yet I'm golden. They jus love me more!

Romney says in private what he says in public and everyone's horrified. We so OWN this election. Mwah ha haaaah. Gawllah DAH-umm Merika! Worldwide Caliphate with Overlord Baroque Hussein Muhummed here we come!

I redistribute some more champagne to me. Then some more to me. Ace of SPADES! In your face! Back room then, I redistribyoo some lines with a couple friends, we redistribyouate the covers on the bed, two minutes later I'm like hey secret service dudes how's yers hangin? Haw!

Two kine of people love me. Those who don't really have a clue what and who I am. An those who know zackly who and what I am and love me because of it. I'm so golden! I'm gonna go redistributatin some more American cash to my friends overseas right now! Just doesn't buy what it used to, so they need more. It's Bush's fault. Mwah ha ha haaaah!

Of course there's no plan! I'm just going to send him back. It's a done deal. Try an stop me suckahs. I am the won! And when I am sitting on my throne, he'll be at my side while your head will be facing Mecca. Pass that reef. Ahh, good for what stt stt stuutters. $#!+. First America, then the world! Me bless meeeee!

The "YouTube did it" meme is out there forever. Nothing else that follows matters. The mob believes it. We will use this to silence our critics. Glenn Beck tells the truth and nobody knows or cares. I'm so golden! Now we will destroy you all. This website and all those like it will be full of robo-generated smooches for my posterior. I WON, John. Up yours, Ryan. More coke, Roberts? Eat this, Hill. I am the Won!

I am the fouth greatest Presnit of the universe!

See? Ben Franklin and I agree, the Constitution just isn't right. Thank me I've got me to tear down this imperialist superpower singlehanded.

What you don't know, Mr Steevy (AND I KNOW YOUR REAL NAME AND THE DRONES ARE ON THEIR WAY AND THAT GOES FOR EVERYBODY HERE wait did I say that out loud? Who cares) is that I'm not stuttering. My powerful mind is pausing for thought more rapidly than yours can form a syllable. Cerebral reflective cascade. You wouldn't understand. And am I a failure if everything is going perfectly according to my plan? Are you paying more for gas? Is the Muslim world taking over? Is America's economy crumbling? I WON!

We just throw money every which way because what's yours is mine. You cannot stop me. I am already won. Twenty-sixteen all your women in boorkas. All your young boys belong to me. No more elections. Presidential inquisition gonna end this world and start a new one. Me on my throne in Hawaii, the oceans rising at my command and destroying American cities.

Okay, this is it! I'm laying it down.

I hearby challenge your guy to a beer summit! He can't handle it, can he? Milk-drinkin' coffee-sippin' Mormon. I'll drink him under the table. Let's get started now, 'cause I jus did some lines. Just leave that bottle of Cuervo and keep the beer coming. I'm the WON!