AmerIndians Discovered Columbus, Lost at Sea

Happy Columbus Day

Wait... that's the 12th, isn't it? Next thing you know, they'll try to tell me Lincoln and Washington have the same birthday...

In Fourteen Hundred and Ninety-Two,
the AmerInds discovered Columbus, lost at sea.

It is not the history I was taught, and it is revisionist P.C., yet the truth of it is what makes it funny. The children's version was, the world was flat until Columbus proved it was round, or something. The adult version is, nobody had tried to do what he did, because everyone knew the world was round, and mariners and other scientists of the day knew just about exactly how far it would be from Europe sailing west to Asia. That's why nobody tried it. Ol' Chris C. was bad at math, his sponsors were no better, or else they just wanted to get rid of him, and he and his crew would have been dead at sea had it not been for one of history's most consequential accidents, there just happened to be an entire other hemisphere that he bumped into.

Columbus died without ever knowing he hadn't made it to Asia.