Life in the Great Outdoors, Two Tales

Life in the great outdoors. Two tales.

We used to have a big swimming pool at this ranch when we were kids, and one thing I always hated there was horse flies. I still remember one horse fly buzzing me, and I swam the length of the pool underwater, came up, and wham! he bit me. I hate horse flies.

I've noticed in recent years, we seem to not have some bugs I remember from my youth. Yellow jackets used to be plentiful, never see 'em, anymore. Horse flies are far fewer, and I don't miss 'em. Might be the years of drought.

So this morning, I'm standing out front, petting the dog, enjoying the morning view, when a huge horse fly starts buzzing around my head. 'Round and 'round and 'round Zzzzz Zzzzz ZZZZZ.

Unlike houseflies, horseflies will not be waved off. I duck down and head for the door, where I turn and see the horsefly following me toward the door, threatening to come inside. I grab a fly swatter. This is war.

Swish, a miss. He's full grown, warmed up, and fast. Swish, another miss, and another, but then, thwack! Contact! A solid hit! Took me a while to find the body, but it was a killer hit. Victory! I take pride in modifying the local gene pool in this way.

I'm selective about genetic control. Ladybug in the house? We scoop it up and carry it outside. Wasps in the house? They're usually just mud daubers and get mercy.

A few days ago, I found a two-inch cockroach sitting i the cup we use to scoop out dog food. Now, I hate cockroaches, but this one was trapped and I decided to have mercy and throw him outside. I open the back door, shake him out of the cup, and I see him fly away, then he turns back, lands in the dirt, and crawls swiftly to the back door, where he crawls under a crack in the door frame. Wow. Smart bug.

Fortunately, right by the back door is the shelf where we store the chemical warfare weaponry. The bottom of the door frame got a swift, saturating dose of Raid. Take that, you miserable insect, and I'll never show mercy on one of your kind again!